Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
