I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
