I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
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Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
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I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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