margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
last night I used snow as a chaser
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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