just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
