Swine flu is the new snow day.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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