we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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