I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
