My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
