Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
