True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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