she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
