wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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