Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
