I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
