It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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