what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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