Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm too high and old for this...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
