party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
