thus making me awesome and them whores
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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