new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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