dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
