In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
