You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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