I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
