I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize