i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
