I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
