How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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