You just made me feel so damn special
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
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