just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
