Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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