Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
