Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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