dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
