TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Randomize
