I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
