I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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