see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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