Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize