So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
