I faked an abortion last night.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I pour the whiskey from now on
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
