i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize