first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
