the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
