PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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