so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
