A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
