I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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