her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
