If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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