Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
