if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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