All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
