Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
