Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
