i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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