i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
