she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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