Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize