I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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