I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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