seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
