Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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