i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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