hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
