I accidentally burped into my bong.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
