Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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