My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
