I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Houston, we have a blender
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
