either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
