I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
