walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
