mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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