dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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