ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
