Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
