I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
