Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
