If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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