I can tuck mytits in my pants
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
