I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
