I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
A+ Viking dick
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