Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
