booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
is wine microwaveable?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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